The prospect of having a civil conversation where you disagree on big issues can seem scary – and not just because it’s almost Halloween.
Civil conversation means we’re expected to be respectful to each other, even in intense disagreement. Then you’re encouraged to listen to the other person and make a good faith effort at understanding their point of view. Maybe you get into some contentious points (which is a hassle), or worse, maybe you agree on a few things with the people you’re supposed to hate. Then you’re expected to depart company in relatively good humor. Is any of this even possible when passions are boiling?
Civility – best described as prioritizing love of others over love of self – makes civil discourse possible. That allows us to create meaningful relationships and actions based on the love of fellow citizens. Sometimes that means telling people things they don’t want to hear or challenging them to be better. Mere politeness can be inauthentic or self-serving, while civility emphasizes honesty, respect, humility, and compassion.
Awhile back, I wrote something about our leaders needing to be bulwarks of civility while giving the rest of us a pass. That was a mistake.
Drawing on the wisdom of 80s pop culture, I used the example of Ghostbusters 2 to make this point. In the film, an epidemic of incivility empowers a long-dead evil, Vigo the Carpathian, to return and terrorize humanity. I focused on a particular scene to set up my argument, in which I said:
The Ghostbusters are meeting with the fictional mayor of New York City and describing a supernatural threat that’s feeding off the city’s negative feelings. Amid the Ghostbusters pleas for help, the mayor responds, “Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker’s God-given right.”
Then I wrongly gave the mayor’s point more deference than it deserved:
At times, that [treating other people like dirt is a God-given right] can be true on the individual level. But our Republic demands that leaders exemplify and promote a culture of civility to protect liberties like free speech, ensure our institutions deliver for constituents, and maintain social peace.
When our faith in civility wanes, theirs can’t.
Yes, we’re free people who won’t always be angels. And of course, our leaders should model good behavior to preserve those things I listed. But we citizens need to hold ourselves and others to the standard of persistently trying to practice civility. When we struggle with incivility one day, we redouble efforts on the next day regardless of how other people treat us.
That charge of civility is not merely a nice-sounding aspiration but something that Founding Father John Adams viewed as existential to our Republic.
“We have no Government armed with Power capable of contending with human Passions unbridled by morality and Religion,” Adams wrote in a letter to the Massachusetts Militia. “Avarice, Ambition, Revenge or Galantry, would break the strongest Cords of our Constitution as a Whale goes through a Net.”
What is civility if not virtuous people resisting the dark side of their nature?
Ghostbusters 2 is Adams’ wisdom in action. During the finale, the Ghostbusters square off against Vigo on New Year’s Eve. As midnight approaches, the spectral villain grows stronger feeding off of New York City’s contempt and will destroy the world at the stroke of 12. In this decisive moment, it’s everyday citizens – not the Ghostbusters – who turn the tide of the battle. Thousands of New Yorkers who were gathered to cheer on the Ghostbusters in their struggle suddenly start singing “Auld Lang Syne” to welcome the New Year. Their demonstration of goodwill and community weakens Vigo to the point where the Ghostbusters can finally defeat him.
Vigo is Adams’ “whale in the net” representing the unbridled passions and vices of humanity that could break the “strongest cords of our Constitution.” The spirit of civility and hope for the future demonstrated by those citizens joyfully singing together, however, is the virtuous public needed to sustain our country.
That sense of civility in Ghostbuster 2 literally saves the world. More mundanely (but still pretty extraordinarily), it allows fellow citizens to engage in things like civil discourse.
Civility also ties our country together in more profound ways. Because what does the idea of prioritizing love of others over self-love look like when pushed to the extreme?
On September 28, four congregants of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Grand Blanc Township, Michigan were senselessly murdered by a lone shooter. Their church responded not with vengeance or malice, but with love for others. They raised hundreds of thousands of dollars to support the family of the gunman who died in the attack.
Consider how important such an act is to America’s social fabric. Yes, our democratic system depends on the ability of opposing factions to argue their points in good faith, engage with one another in the development of legislation or policy, and build consensus for sustainable outcomes over time. But for long-term social cohesion and peace, civility compels us to show love and forgiveness for others in our community. That is what prevents Adams’ whale from breaking the net.
